Real enough..??

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Do you ever feel that this life, the world is just not real enough..??

Tell me please for i feel like this thought having no possible eventful explanation is only in my mind..

What i mean is that there is nothing in this world that i have or may have any strong feelings about..absolutely nothing

Feeling so strong i know i am capable of experiencing but i am just not able to..

I mean yeah i find things beautiful or sad or things that make me smile or cry..
i worry about certain things am anxious about some..
But if i tell u honestly..nothing really bothers me or excites me..
I no it would all fall into place and work out somehow

I do not feel real enough

For long i tried to react more intensely to things..i tried to invite things i can feel that about..
I did that all so that those strong feelings come above the surface and i FEEL something for a cahnge
I tried to trick myself into believing that i love or hate certain things or people and somtimes even myslef..

But eventually i realised its not taking me anywhere..and now will. I look at it from a distance it seems so pretentious and vague..i have grown tired of it..

There is somthing real enough..there is..
But right now i feel like i am in a room surrounded  by fruits and flowers which as i said ive tried to appriciate the beauty of..but which now that i look closely i realise is made of fucking plastic..!!

So here i am..sitting in this room.. passing the little time i have..
Hoping god would come to me and say

Sweetheart..it was just a joke..come now..its time for you to be born into the real world..

love,
lavanya

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7 thoughts on “Real enough..??

  1. I used to feel this way through my entire childhood. The world was an annoying TV show playing in the background of my thoughts. Aside from something funny, momentarily sad, or angering, it was just there. My place, feelings, etc. They didn’t have any need to be or be used.

    It ended though. From the moment we met I’d never know the kind of passion I would have for her. I felt like an entirely different world was upon me. I suddenly had reasons to express myself… truthfully. Not just the worn smile.

    Perhaps she was the midwife of reality. Yet, like reality she was gone.

    To this day I still look for her on the Internet, in the yellow pages, on social media, and anywhere else I can, hoping to reconnect. Hoping it was not all one sided, even though it may have been. Now I’m on cruise control through life.

    I almost wish she hadn’t brought to life what was a mask of me. Still when I finally catch a glimpse of her. Reality rushes back. I wish she’d have treated me bad, told me to get lost, something. To have shown me so much of my own heart, then disappear. It’s like giving a new born a few breaths of air, then slowly strangling it for the rest of its life.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Its really nice to know..what you feel and that at some part of our lives we do come alive..find a reason..find a purpose..
      Your words are so beautiful and i dont know you but still i can literally feel what you feel about her..
      I dont know if i should say this but i really look up to you n u inspire me in many ways so i would..
      Its all destiny and a conscious universe..some people are meant to cross our ways for a purpose and no matter what you do you can not change it .. you hadnt expected or wished her to come in ur life..but she did n it was beautiful..
      I feel that whetver u do to connect again..n what all you still feel..
      Its beautiful and its big..
      Just a lil thing..a secret..
      If you really want somthing just ask the universe for it..n belive me..you will have it….

      Liked by 1 person

    2. I am very sorry if u disliked me saying any of that..
      but sincerely u left me amazed again..
      I neva knew smone can feel so strongly about something..
      N if in case u think of somthing or somthing happens..do tell me..

      Liked by 1 person

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