Do you ever feel that this life, the world is just not real enough..??
Tell me please for i feel like this thought having no possible eventful explanation is only in my mind..
What i mean is that there is nothing in this world that i have or may have any strong feelings about..absolutely nothing
Feeling so strong i know i am capable of experiencing but i am just not able to..
I mean yeah i find things beautiful or sad or things that make me smile or cry..
i worry about certain things am anxious about some..
But if i tell u honestly..nothing really bothers me or excites me..
I no it would all fall into place and work out somehow
I do not feel real enough
For long i tried to react more intensely to things..i tried to invite things i can feel that about..
I did that all so that those strong feelings come above the surface and i FEEL something for a cahnge
I tried to trick myself into believing that i love or hate certain things or people and somtimes even myslef..
But eventually i realised its not taking me anywhere..and now will. I look at it from a distance it seems so pretentious and vague..i have grown tired of it..
There is somthing real enough..there is..
But right now i feel like i am in a room surrounded by fruits and flowers which as i said ive tried to appriciate the beauty of..but which now that i look closely i realise is made of fucking plastic..!!
So here i am..sitting in this room.. passing the little time i have..
Hoping god would come to me and say
Sweetheart..it was just a joke..come now..its time for you to be born into the real world..